I tried the experiment; I tried to clear my mind. I didn’t start a timer, so I can’t tell you how many minutes passed between
opening and closing closing and opening my eyes. I can tell you that a faint hum fills this quiet room, my heart beat is loud and constant and my inner voice repeated unceasingly the instruction to think about nothing. I opened my eyes when I couldn’t take it anymore.
Why did I bother? This is not the first time that I have tried to empty my mind. I laugh at this hopeless task.
I like to think. My mind is always busy remembering, calculating, spelling, instructing, creating. What if I empty my mind and miss out on something? A word, a phrase, an inspiration, an answer to a question missed because I thought of nothing instead of something.
I’ve been to the meditation room. I’ve been told that I need to relax. Being constant with thoughts and numbers speeding through my brain is how I am and I rebel against any other existence. Don’t bring me medication: don’t suggest therapy – just let me enjoy the next thought.